Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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