Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
