I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
