It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
