My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
