did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
