I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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