Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
