my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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