I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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