I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
