Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
