last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
