You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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