Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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