I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i drank out of a bidet.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
