We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
