It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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