I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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