I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
