I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
