I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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