My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
