I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
