Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
