dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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