I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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