her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
