Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
