if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
