There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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