direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
