and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
