last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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