What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
