my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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