On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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