I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
