Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
