Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
