drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
