I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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