just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
