im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
