I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
