when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You dont lie about slip and slides
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
