nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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