Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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