So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
