I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
