On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't deserve a penis
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
