i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
