grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
