I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
