We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
