Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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