I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
