All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I supernannyed him into submission
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
