Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
