He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
