This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
