literally had 100 drinks last night.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
