the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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