Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
