I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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