Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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