i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
