respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
