If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
