Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
