He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
In America we eat man semen.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy