Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to