my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave