ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way