I just threw up on my dentist
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.