i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.