and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?