I accidentally had phone sex last night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot