All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.